Perspective

     For those of you who are on Facebook, you probably saw that I was recently promoted to Assistant Manager.  The last few weeks have been interesting, to say the least, and filled with a myriad of emotions.  It has also been an opportunity for me to gain some perspective on myself and the good and bad of how I operate.
     One of my first reactions was certainly excitement at getting promoted, but it was quickly followed by an almost overwhelming sense of how much I still didn't (and don't) know or feel comfortable with.  I literally have to be able to run the branch completely on my own. YIKES!  That is an awesome level of responsibility that I have never really had to handle before.  I did have some chances at Mutual to run the branch on a Saturday, but that was fairly easy with minimal complications.  Saturdays tended to be deposits and withdraws with the occasional new account or CD.  Now, I need to know all of the day-to-day operations for the branch.  It also means that I have to make decisions regarding check acceptance, especially when the manager is gone.  Having taken a bad check before, this is kind of scary.  There are still some ways in which I feel inadequate, but let me move on to some other insights.
     While I might not always feel up to the challenge, I have a manager and regional manager who believe that I can do it and they are very supportive.  My manager is confident that I am capable and that helps me believe that I can do it.  She has also been a tremendous support when I do make mistakes.  One of the biggest differences between this job and my last job is the attitude towards mistakes.  At Mutual, mistakes meant that you weren't good enough and there needed to be a plan to fix the problem in the future.  The policy also allowed for some interpretation of what did and did not constitute a problem that needed fixing.  In my case, I ran into a situation where every misstep was a performance issue.  When the policy requires 60 days with no mistakes to reset the discipline track, and when every mistake is considered to be the same type of problem, it becomes nearly impossible to avoid dismissal.  At Communitywide, mistakes mean that you are not perfect, just like everyone else.  Yes, the mistakes need to be fixed and there needs to be an understanding of how and why the mistake happened so that it can be fixed, but there is a strong belief that it will be fixed and there is no need for formal disciplinary meetings and action plans.  There was a period where I made the same mistake on 3-4 loans.  Of course, I didn't find out about the first one until after the 3rd or 4th one.  My manager helped me address the issue and understand how I could avoid the issue in the future.  It is great to have the support and encouragement of those above me when I make mistakes.
     It also helps knowing that the former Assistant Manager made the same mistakes at one time.  Replacing Robin has been tough to say the least.  She has been with the credit union for over 20 years and has done just about everything at one time or another.  She knows a lot more than I do and part of the feelings of inadequacy stemmed from that.  However, I have realized that this is the first time I have been this high on the corporate ladder.  I can't be expected to know everything  to the same degree as someone who has been on the ladder much longer than I have and has been higher up the ladder than I am now.  It's like comparing an acorn to an oak tree.  The acorn will eventually become an oak tree if given the proper care, but it's not an oak tree now and it would be unfair to expect it to be an oak tree now.  I often fall prey to the "but I'm not as good as..." mentality.  Lately I have realized how unfair that way of thinking is to me.  I can't compare myself to Robin and to expect myself to be as good as she is now.  It's like expecting me to go from acorn to 100' oak overnight.  It isn't going to happen.
     One of the final insights right now is in my response to God concerning the promotion.  When I was dismissed from Mutual I was angry with my bosses for treating me unfairly and I was really upset with God for allowing this to happen.  It seemed like God just let me fail; like He had let me down and forgotten me when I needed him most.  When I got promoted, I was pleased as punch with myself and the recognition that I was good enough.  My focus was inward - looking at my skills and how good I am.  God didn't really enter the picture.  It wasn't until the Sunday after getting promoted that I realized how wrong I was.  The pastor talked about how good God is and how He provides us with so many good things.  As the pastor preached, I could only acknowledge God's handiwork in my promotion.  Instead of thinking that I was so good, I should have been thanking God for blessing my work and allowing me to find favor in the eyes of my superiors.
     As I continued to think about my attitude towards God, I was troubled by the stark contrast in the two cases.  Getting dismissed from Mutual was somehow God's fault, but I alone got the promotion at Communitywide.  I had nothing to do with getting let go and God had nothing to do with me getting promoted.  I was quick to blame God for the bad in my life, but ignored His influence on the good in my life.  It is an admittedly sad commentary that I could so quickly blame God when things went wrong and yet completely ignore Him with things went well.  Sadly, it seems to be a problem that I, and I would guess some of you, struggle with.  When everything is going wrong, we turn to God because we need help and the problems are bigger than we can handle, but not too big for God to handle.  When everything is going well, we look at how good we are handling all that comes our way and we forget that God paved the way for us.  God is there to help us through the difficult times in our lives and guide us past the cracks and potholes in the road.  He is also the one who makes the smooth drive along the perfectly paved road possible.
     I am filled with gratitude for the promotion, both to my superiors and to God.  I know I still have much to learn, but there is much that I already know.  I know that I have the support I need to succeed, especially if I remember to rely on God for His guidance in my life.