Blogging the Bible: Spiritual Update and Psalm 17

                This week I am struggling, bad.  I find myself angry with God and not really wanting to read the Bible.  My faith and understanding are failing me.  I can’t understand why God, who loves us and has good things planned for us, would continue to allow this deep overwhelming pain to reside here.  Sure, intellectually, I know suffering develops character, but I really don’t care about developing character.  I’ve had enough for now thank you very much.  I just want this struggle to end.  I’m tired of fighting this.  I’m tired of seeing the way infertility kills my wife each and every day.  I’m tired of hoping, only to have the cycle fail.  I’m tired of this roller coaster of emotions.  If God sees our inner thoughts and knows our pain, why won’t he help?  He knows how deeply we want children and yet nothing happens.  He knows how much pain this causes and yet there is no relief.  Frankly, I could go with some thundering from the mountain tops right now because it doesn’t feel like God is listening. 

                I suppose, at a certain level, the fact that our last medicated cycle had better numbers than any previous cycle should be proof that we are getting somewhere and I’m sure someone would argue that it is a sign of God’s faithfulness.  “See this cycle was better than the last one,” they would say, “maybe the next one will be even better.  You just have to keep trusting.”  Sorry, that’s not working right now.  A failed cycle is a failed cycle regardless of how “good” the numbers looked. 

                That was my attitude yesterday.  Today is a bit better, but only slightly.  After writing yesterday, I left for work.  Once I got to work the words from “Great is Thy Faithfulness” got stuck in my head.

 “Great is Thy faithfulness,” O God my Father,
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not
As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.

“Great is Thy faithfulness!” “Great is Thy faithfulness!”
  Morning by morning new mercies I see;
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided—
    “Great is Thy faithfulness,” Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above,
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

Source: http://www.hymnal.net/hymn.php/h/19#ixzz2ch04BwDu

A few lines in particular stand out.  “Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not…”  Great line, but I’m having a hard time believing it.  Same thing with “Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow…”  Again, great line, but I’m struggling with it because I don’t feel the bright hope for tomorrow.  Maybe that’s why this hymn is considered one of the greats.  It reminds us of God’s faithfulness even when we don’t feel it.  It’s a hymn to sing in spite of my circumstances as an affirmation that I do trust in God's great faithfulness.

                A few lines also stand out from Psalm 17.  The psalm is a plea from David to deliver justice to those who have sent false accusations against him, but a few verses seem quite applicable to my own state.  “Hear, O Lord my righteous plea: listen to my cry, Give ear to my prayer – it does not rise from deceitful lips…I call on you, O God, for you will answer me; give ear to me and hear my prayer.” (Psalm 17:1, 8)  David’s plea is for God to bring down those who have lied and persecuted David.  David earnestly asks God to hear his prayers.  My plea is for God to grant us a healthy child.  Just like David, I am earnestly pleading with God to hear my prayers.

Blogging the Bible: Psalm 16

                Psalm 16 provides a challenge for me.  The focus of this psalm is on the joys and benefits of life with God.  David recognized the blessings that come from living in relationship with God.  There were certain assurances that his belief in God provided.  “Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;” he writes, “my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay.” (Psalm 16:9-10)  David knew that death would not be the end for him.  Death was not something to fear because God will provide new life.  However, the end of life is not where the challenge exists for me.  It lies in the living of that life.

                Earlier in the psalm, David focuses on allowing God to lead us and following his counsel for our lives.  This is a challenge for me.  I have a hard time discerning God’s will for my life.  Like many people I’m prone to figure out my own plan and then pray for God’s blessing.  Knowing that, it then becomes a challenge to figure out where my will ends and God’s begins.  The desire to help lead worship in church – is that just coming from my own love for music, selfishly justified as “offering my gifts and talents to God;” is it really part of the ministry that God has called me to?  How does my work fit into God’s plan for my life?  David expresses so much profound relief and security knowing that God has a plan for him.  It’s not that David never wondered what the plan was.  Psalm 13 clearly expresses David angst at not knowing the plan.  It’s just that David is able to also find his way out of that angst into a place where he can be content knowing that there is a plan.  David may not know the details, but there is a plan and that is enough.  God reveals His plan on a need to know basis.  We don’t need to see several hundred yards down the way; we just need to see the next few steps to take.  That is the challenge – learning to trust God to lead me each step of the way without needing to know the final destination.

Blogging the Bible: Psalm 14 and 15

                Psalms 14 and 15 provide a bit of a contrast.  Psalm 14 attacks the fools who deny God.  Psalm 15 provides a guideline for living righteously.  In Psalm 14, David uses similar language to that found in Paul’s letter to the Romans.  In verse 3 David writes, “...there is no one who does good, not even one.”  This reflects Paul’s statement that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23)  Clearly the people were not behaving up to standards.

                The notes indicate that fool refers to someone who is “morally deficient.”  I can imagine that David found himself surrounded by people willfully going against God’s commandments.  Israel’s relationship with God had many ups and downs.  The Old Testament records a repeating theme of Israel turning its back on God, falling into ruin because God refuses to protect them, and being saved/rescued by a morally upstanding person that leads them back to God.  Psalm 14 seems to be a lament that the people have gone astray and a hope that salvation will come soon.

                Of course, there are commandments that need to be followed as a believer and Psalm 15 lays out some practical steps to living righteously.

¹Lord, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill?  ²He whose walk is blameless and who does what is righteous, who speaks the truth from his heart ³and has no slander on his tongue, who does his neighbor no wrong and casts no slur on his fellowman, ⁴who despises a vile man but honors those who fear the Lord, who keeps his oath even when it hurts,⁵ who lends his money without usury and does not accept a bribe against the innocent.  ⁶He who does these things will never be shaken.

The keys are all here.  Don’t tell lies.  Love your neighbor.  Keep your promises.  Don’t steal others’ money.   Do good.  This should seem a familiar theme to Christians.  It’s what God calls us to.  Jesus emphatically tells his followers to love God and love one another.  His ministry is all about caring for those around him.  Jesus’ anger come out when he confronts the money changers who are defiling the temple with their greedy practices. 

As fallen humans, we are not perfect.  We will stumble and fall short of these guidelines.  We might lie or break a promise.  We might not be so nice to our neighbor.  We might not pay back a friend who lent us money in a pinch.  But, because of the cross, we can be forgiven.  That does not mean we keep doing whatever we want knowing that forgiveness is available.  No, we should daily strive to live by the standards listed in Psalm 15 and know that sometimes we will fail.  And when we do, Christ will be there to forgive, pick us up, and help us follow again.

Blogging the Bible: Psalm 12 & 13

                Psalm 12 tackles the issue of liars in our midst.  As king, David certainly encountered many people who lied – flatterers seeking to gain favor or opponents seeking to bring ruin.  David’s prayer here is a prayer for help since he is surrounded by the ungodly.  The tongue can do great damage.  As a child, I grew up hearing the old adage “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”  Sure, it was mildly helpful when that kid at recess called me a dork, but the adage is flat wrong.  Bones will heal after a few weeks, but words can hurt much deeper and that hurt can last much longer.

                Fortunately for David, he has one source of truth that can rely on – God’s Word.  “[T]he words of the Lord are flawless,” he writes, “like silver refined in a furnace of clay, purified seven times” (Psalm 12:6).  The image of refined silver is one that recurs throughout the Bible.  As silver is melted in the fire, the impurities will rise to the surface to be removed.  Each time the silver is put in the fire, is another chance to purify it further.  The words of the Lord, having been purified seven times, are perfect.  They are a dependable source of truth, even when we are surrounded by lies.

                Psalm 13 is another short psalm that quite accurately reflects some of my own feelings regarding my current situation.

¹How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?  How long will you hide your face from me?  ²How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?  How long will my enemy triumph over me?  ³Look on me and answer, O Lord my God.  Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; ⁴my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall.  ⁵But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.  ⁶I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.

The first half of this psalm perfectly captures my feelings regarding infertility.  I’m tired of waiting.  I’m tired of cancelled cycles.  I’m tired of hearing that the last cycle didn’t take.  I’m tired of the daily “sorrow in my heart.”  Some days I can be like David and trust in God’s goodness.  Other days, all I can do is ask “How long?”  I really like verse 3.  I can imagine the intensity with which David writes this.  There is an urgent pleading there, laced with a hint on anger.  This isn’t a wishy-washy ‘if you don’t mind could you please’ kind of request.  This is a bold ‘answer me or I die’ demand.  The hard part is knowing that God hears our pleas and he hears the intensity of our requests and trusting that he will be faithful to answer.  David’s affirmation of his trust in the goodness of the Lord is an important reminder to me because I am forced to acknowledge the truth of verse 6.  The Lord has been good to me and the Bible is full of passages an examples of God being good to those who trust in him.  Sometimes they have to wait a while, but God is always faithful.